A New Hope

I'm going to be deleting all the past blogs i have made, which were more of summaries/reviews. I am choosing to focus on other topics like my sobriety and the manic depression i have suffered from my entire life. For as long as i can remember i have been stuck in a never ending spiral of suicidal thoughts of attempting to get the strength to get out of bed in the morning. I'm using this blog as a way to get some of these feelings off my chest, at the point of writing this, i have no one. Nobody believes in me, most people probably would of rather I be dead in the first place, I fucked a lot of people over, vice versa many people have done the same to me, that's no excuse though for some of the decisions i have made. While i was homeless and overall in this very stressful year i have been broken and had alot of realizations, one being that no one is going to do anything for me, no amount of praying, or pleading will get anyone to even attempt to lift a finger for you, you have to do everything yourself and do it to the best of your ability and eventually you will be rewarded for that...I have not made the strides nor the efforts to hold onto some of the relationships with friends that i needed to just due to spiteful tendencies i developed to keep myself from hurting, in these strides...i also hurt many others which wasn't fair to them or myself.